The best of vmarinelli (Victoria Marinelli)

Not finding your favourites quickly enough? If you follow @twitfave on twitter, we'll prioritise you. This means we'll see your favourites much faster!

• oldest
• newest
• best
• subscribe (RSS)

1. 

   "WILL TRADE BOOKS FOR POOP-SCOOPING & OTHER YARD MAINTENANCE SERVICES." And to think, some of our neighbors had issues with our Obama signs.
   [3 weeks, 6 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
2. 

   I like to think these tufts of cat fur — so well preserved beneath clear packing tape!— add "character" to my outgoing book shipments.
   [4 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
3. 

   Well, HELLO creative breakthrough!
   
   (Um, not to be a bitch or anything, but it fucking took you long enough.)
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
4. 

   You say "manic episode" like that's a problem.
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
5. 

   FAITH SYSTEMS UPDATE: I no longer believe in astrology, except for the part about how Sagittarians fucking RULE.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
6. 

   Things NOT to write upon receipt of friend requests from ex-high school classmates, cont'd:
   
   "WOW! That's so cool you haven't OD'd yet!"
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
7. 

   "Would you like insurance with that?"
   "For 10 bricks of heroin? I should hope so."
   Post office lady's got no sense of humor.
   [1 month ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
8. 

   Hey, remember privacy? LOL.
   [1 month ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
9. 

   'Peanut butter on celery' is, already, a pretty healthy snack, but to cut some unnecessary calories, I'll just skip this celery.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
10. 

    "I never thought I'd miss the sound of my poop hitting the water."
    - the teenager, after three weeks in the woods.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
11. 

    Not ONE of my ex-girlfriends had an issue where they couldn't leave the house until they found the right earrings. Guess that's a guy thing?
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
12. 

    For a potent mix of shame and disgust, the experience of cleaning the bathroom our children and guests must use really can't be beat.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
13. 

    If by "cleaning" you mean "chugging iced espresso whilst shaking my grove thang to some Earth, Wind and Fire'," then yes, I am cleaning.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
14. 

    "I'll clean! If you don't trust me, disable my Internet before you go," I'd said, not imagining he'd DO that (but LOL I still have my phone)
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
15. 

    "Your boxers keep falling off me."
    "I know a great solution!"
    "Get fatter? Go back to women?"
    "DO YOUR LAUNDRY."
    "Where's the fun in that?"
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
16. 

    Lots of small purchases to bury last month's overdraft in our recent account history, in case he logs in: No way that could backfire, right?
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
17. 

    @phyllisstein "Stalking the Westboro Baptists: A Queer Man's Journey Through the Heart - and Bowels - of America." Y/N?
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
18. 

    HOW TO BE AS SMART AS ME:
    1. Take shower, resolving to cleanse self of all dog-stink.
    2. Dry self with towel used by dogs as bed.
    3. Repeat.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
19. 

    Celebrating "Send @phyllisstein - and the world at large - variously subtle hints that he needs a book contract" Day. Won't you join me?
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
20. 

    Dear confirmed and prospective attendees of the late September PDX tweetup: I promise I'm not just using you as an excuse to go to @powells.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    •