The best of vmarinelli (Victoria Marinelli)

Not finding your favourites quickly enough? If you follow @twitfave on twitter, we'll prioritise you. This means we'll see your favourites much faster!

• oldest
• newest
• best
• subscribe (RSS)

1. 

   FIRST my teenager hurls Shakespearean insults, THEN she mocks how I've forgotten their meanings. Y'ALL, I'M BEING PUNKED BY MY OWN NERD. =(
   [11 hours, 23 minutes ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
2. 

   Forgot to brush my teeth, but on the bright side, no one should pinch me today!
   [23 hours, 52 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
3. 

   LOL DESPAIR.
   [1 day, 13 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
4. 

   The problem with this round-the-clock acetaminophen is it seems like placing myself at risk for liver failure should involve a lot more fun.
   [2 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
5. 

   Quakers have "threshing sessions." Metalheads have "thrashing sessions." You don't want to confuse the two.
   [3 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
6. 

   On my resume, years 1988-2010 would be most efficiently summarized as "rehabilitation from years 1970-1988."
   [4 days, 15 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
7. 

   "But, officer! They aren't imaginary. They're 'tweeps.' Y'know, from Twitter? Anyway, we're all in seatbelts. What seems to be the problem?"
   [5 days, 8 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
8. 

   I've long maintained that I'd gladly follow the talented @kellydeal until the end of time as Twitter knows it, straight to hell if need be.
   [5 days, 8 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
9. 

   Listening to show tunes, driving AND singing in the rain, leaving voicemail for @phyllisstein, tweeting this, dammit BRB gotta talk to a cop
   [5 days, 8 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
10. 

    Likely title of my youngest daughter's future memoir: "All Over But the Shartin.'"
    [5 days, 11 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
11. 

    Y'all, I'm talking a BRAND NAME Ziploc baggie. EXTRA-THICK FREEZER TYPE - with Sharpied monogram! - because I am feeling particularly fancy.
    [5 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
12. 

    The problem with a teenager who refuses to sleep in (like a normal teenager!) is Mom getting busted eating ice cream for breakfast.
    [6 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
13. 

    GOD it's so embarrassing when he catches me looking at porn and by porn I mean the Levenger catalog.
    [1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
14. 

    You'd think the disgustingness of Fritos burps would be enough to get me to stop eating Fritos. You'd- [***BRRAPP***]-think.
    [1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
15. 

    In honor of the upcoming Bring Your Child to Work day, my husband would like a job.
    [1 week ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
16. 

    ""Adjusting the carpet's settings to 'low-shag.'""
    [1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
17. 

    At the 4th grade recorder concert. Not at all hoping the girl who keeps bullying my daughter falls backwards off the bleachers.
    [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
18. 

    Psychology experiment! Drop the phrase "as a condition of my release" into casual conversations, then deny having said any such thing.
    [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
19. 

    Oh SHUT UP, Eric Cantor.
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
20. 

    You say "found poem," I say "cutting your grocery list into fourths and then reading one of those fourths into a microphone is asinine."
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    •