The best of thejohnblog (John )

Not finding your favourites quickly enough? If you follow @twitfave on twitter, we'll prioritise you. This means we'll see your favourites much faster!

• oldest
• newest
• best
• subscribe (RSS)

1. 

   The first rule of Mime Club... Well, you know the rest.
   [9 hours, 22 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
2. 

   Tyler Perry's "Why do people keep spending money to see these flicks?"
   [15 hours, 40 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
3. 

   The bachelor party last night wasn't too wild, but this chimpanzee I woke up handcuffed to is getting restless and bitey.
   [18 hours, 3 minutes ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
4. 

   All *I'm* saying is that a *real* tiger would never bother to ask ANYONE where they would like to be bitten.
   [19 hours, 17 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
5. 

   I'm losing my voice. I sound like Clint Eastwood doing ventriloquism with a Demi Moore puppet.
   [20 hours, 16 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
6. 

   Headed to @Threepme's bachelor party. Wallet? Check. Bag of lime and shovel? Check. Airtight alibi? Well, That's where YOU come in...
   [1 day, 11 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
7. 

   FACT: Although it's "Deuce," EVERYONE sings and puts emphasis on DOUCHE when singing along to "Blinded By The Light."
   
   Even the Pope.
   [1 day, 15 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
8. 

   Tila Tequila is so skeezy, I bet when she gets annoyed by a couple making out in public, she says: "GET A RESTROOM!"
   [1 day, 16 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
9. 

   The girl Jesse James had an affair with has a bachelors degree in biology. Well now it's obvious why he was attracted to her.
   [1 day, 18 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
10. 

    Great. What am I supposed to do with all this leftover leprechaun meat?
    [2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
11. 

    NEVER, EVER buy an abridged version of a cookbook. *big sigh as he dials Dominos*
    [2 days, 9 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
12. 

    If you hit Bono on the head, does he see pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, blue diamonds AND purple horseshoes?
    [2 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
13. 

    Looking for a pot of gold today? My friend Angelo can help you with half of that request.
    [2 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
14. 

    Every year, on St. Patrick's Day, Verne Troyer hides in a cabinet because someone is trying to put a toddler sized Leprechaun outfit on him.
    [2 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
15. 

    Cat pissed on the couch but no matter how hard I'm using this steam cleaner, I can't get the cat blood and guts out of the upholstery.
    [3 days, 9 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
16. 

    Am I the only guy who gets penis envy when they show a side profile of Squidward?
    [3 days, 11 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
17. 

    Show me on Tom Hanks where Michael Clarke Duncan touched you.
    [3 days, 12 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
18. 

    Try as you might, playa, but ain't no one turned more tricks than Harry Potter.
    [3 days, 18 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
19. 

    I posted this for @califmom and hope all of you take a moment to read about an amazing FIGHT: "The Road." http://bit.ly/aKFf50
    [3 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    • 
20. 

    So they're gonna release TITANIC in 3D? Does this mean they'll see the iceberg now and dodge it? OMG, Will they make Greedo shoot first?!
    [4 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
    •