The best of thejohnblog (John )

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1. 

   I told Kevin Spacey that I just had Five Guys. He went "Mmm..." I said, "The BURGER PLACE, man!" We both laughed, but then, awkward silence.
   [4 weeks, 1 day ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   My Icelandic neighbor's stupid dog won't stop bjorking.
   [4 weeks, 1 day ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Supermodel Gisele Bundchen thinks “mothers should be forced to breastfeed.”
   
   Funny, I think models should be force FED.
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Jesus, just build a 'Cracker Barrel' next to the mosque and we'll call it even. DEAL?
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   That public restroom didn't stand a chance.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Of course Chelsea's wedding cost $3 Million. That hush money Bill is paying to the bridesmaids adds up, people.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   For a really big fan of 'Mad Men,' this broad I work with is really slow about getting me another cup of joe.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   Paris Hilton will be releasing another CD. Drink coaster companies everywhere prepare to file for bankruptcy.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   I love TRUE BLOOD. Like Lafayette, I start every sentence with "Bitch" or "Hooker." Related: I got banned from bible study.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Julia Robert's smile makes me feel like I'm missing some teeth.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Those war documents aren't the only ones leaking, AMIRITE Fellow 30 year old guys? No? Fine. I'll call a urologist.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    ENQUIRER: 'Oprah's life as a teen prostitute.' Also known as the time NOBODY got a free car... (wait for it) ESPECIALLY Hummers. GOODNIGHT!
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    I just dipped a 'Cool Ranch Dorito' in peanut butter and biting into it summoned the ghost of John Belushi. We high fived.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    My father in law hates me. Maybe when he starts a story with "When I was a kid..." I should stop bellowing "...DINOSAURS WALKED THE EARTH!"
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Fuckin' Krakens, man.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin are going camping together, ending 'Ernest Goes To Camp's reign as "dumbest camping story ever."
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    The fart I unleashed in the car was so foul, Oskar Schindler broke down in tears that he didn't do enough to save my family.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    "So a pigeon poops in the mouth of the bass player making 'Kings Of Leon' cancel their show." Worst version of 'The Aristocrats' joke EVER.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    BREAKING COMIC-CON NEWS: 'Mark Ruffalo confirmed to be final nail in coffin of 'Hulk' movie franchise.'
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    NEWS: 'Man stabbed with pen at Comic-Con.' "For the LAST time, Mickey Rourke, I don't want your autograph! I...GAHHH!"
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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