The best of thejohnblog (John )

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1. 

   Watching "2012." As John Cusack runs amid chaos, I keep waiting for a kid on a BMX to appear, yelling "I want my 2 dollars!"
   [13 hours, 44 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   http://twitpic.com/1801n8 - OMG! I HAZ A DISTRICT 9! I IZ A FOOKIN' PRAWN, MAN! (No, I suppose you really can't take me anywhere.)
   [15 hours, 37 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   At a little hole-in-the-wall called RED LOBSTER. Guys, they wrap their silverware in *linen* napkins! I'm glad I tucked in my shirt.
   [16 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   A Mexican is richer than Bill Gates? I don't know if the best part is Lou Dobbs' head exploded or that his maid waited 4 hours to call 911.
   [17 hours, 51 minutes ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Replacing my arms with sharks - PROS: I would be a *huge* celebrity. CONS: Can't sign autographs, constant power walking to keep them alive.
   [21 hours, 50 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   By the time you figure out how to pronounce "Cthulhu" it's already too late.
   [23 hours, 41 minutes ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   EXTRA: Corey Haim, Heartthrob...
   
   Wait, are they talking about his peak star status or cause of death?
   [1 day, 11 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   "I don’t get it? How can a Time Travel kit take 4 to 6 weeks to deliver? That make sense to you? Hello? HELLO?!"
   
   ETSY'S support team sucks.
   [1 day, 14 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   For Nenah Cherry's Birthdday, I would do a Buffalo Stance, but whenever I do, pee comes out and this is the only Arbys I'm not banned from.
   [1 day, 20 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    (Throws half finished script to LICENSE TO DRIVE 2: THE TOYOTA EFFECT into trash.)
    [2 days, 1 hour ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    I just laughed at an OLD NAVY commercial. Don't worry. I have rope, a stool and a sturdy rafter.
    [2 days, 11 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    Morgan Freeman was robbed at the Oscars!
    
    No, seriously. Judd Nelson mugged him in the bathroom.
    [3 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    As a debaser, I actually don’t make much income a year. Also, the dental plan sucks!
    
    Thanks A LOT, Pixies!
    
    >:0I
    [3 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    I look good naked...
    
    to a cannibal that skipped lunch.
    [3 days, 15 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    I control the weather with my nipples. There. I said it. Oh, and sorry about "snowpocalypse," but it was a Saturday and I was bored.
    [3 days, 18 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    In all fairness, what was my boss really expecting to find on his desk after emailing *me* to "Do him a solid?"
    [3 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    I'm a BIG supporter of International Women's Day! I read a piece about it by Dr. Sasha Galbraith, and it was pretty good...
    
    for a girl.
    [3 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    I strapped a piece of toast with the butter side up on my housecat's back and when I dropped him to the floor I ripped a hole in the Matrix.
    [3 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    Ugh. Oscar party hangover. Woke up in a Vera Wang knockoff & an Oscar in one of my orifices. Which one? Sound Design, I think, LOL*Blergh!*
    [4 days, 2 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    Kathryn Bigelow for best Director. The best. F-you. To. An. Ex-Boyfriend. EVAR!
    [4 days, 11 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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