The best of the_dza (D. E. Benson)

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1. 

   "Do you ever get too gassy for sex?"
   
   "Pull my finger."
   [4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   PATERNITY DRAMA NIGGAS!
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fart near you. I meant to fart at you.
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Mosquito bites! On my face! I'll pretend they're nipples later. Fellas?
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Thanks to @phyllisstein I will never look at the WBC or wash my face the same way again.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   And just like that @phyllisstein is gone. Have a safe trip, Daniel. [insert gay, black or Jew joke here]
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Down at the DA's office trying to sweet talk my way out of a ticket. Why couldn't I get a woman or at least a gay?
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   Really? The water got shut off? I was almost positive the gas was next.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   The tumbler is down! http://youtu.be/GUJhmSujU_E #tumblr
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Getting my "gay" on. (@ The Max w/ @joeschmidt @detweiler) http://4sq.com/5kF0lO
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    OH: "Fuck Twitter!"
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    Teaching auto-correct "yo" has come back to bite me in the ass many times, yo!
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    I'm here to tell you that @phyllisstein has NOT been brainwashed. It's just as filthy as ever.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    Just in case you weren't aware, @vmarinelli is the shit. See you tomorrow @lambvox \m/
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    "So the jammer is the only one to score?" "If you're into that sort of thing."
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    "Booty jorts" almost made me wreck my car.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    My people were slaves. Meme over.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Of course I don't choke bitches, that's just a joke. I'm a wire hanger man.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    If you hear later that some guy went berzerk and choked a bitch then you'll know my med check did not go well.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    I didn't know McDonald's served feelings!
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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