The best of sween (Jason Sweeney)

Not finding your favourites quickly enough? If you follow @twitfave on twitter, we'll prioritise you. This means we'll see your favourites much faster!

Page 1 next
  1. Jason Sweeney
    Destiny of the Endless in hoodie and backpack. http://j.mp/98Wam4
    [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  2. Jason Sweeney
    Who needs fiber when you have stress?
    [1 month ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  3. Jason Sweeney
    Oh, triceratops. You'll always be a planet to me.
    [1 month ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]
     
  4. Jason Sweeney
    It could be worse—at least it's spelled "caulk".
    [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  5. Jason Sweeney
    What do you mean Ken dolls aren't anatomically correct? That's what mine looks like.

    (I mean my penis. It looks like a Ken doll.)
    [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  6. Jason Sweeney
    Wife: "I had a party in my pants and it was pee and then I peed it out and now my pants are empty."
    [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  7. Jason Sweeney
    Pointing out plot inconsistencies in "The Goonies" just like my forefathers.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  8. Jason Sweeney
    guy behind me in line just stole his daughter's nose calling the police oh wait wait he gave it back
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]
     
  9. Jason Sweeney
    Dear woman carrying a kitten in a bucket of popcorn while screaming "FRODO? YOU AWAKE, FRODO?" at a second-story window:

    You complete me.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  10. Jason Sweeney
    When I see roadkill, I imagine furry CSIs spreading twigs around the body, looking for pawprints, cracking grim jokes to keep from howling.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  11. Jason Sweeney
    Choo-choo! Chugga-chugga! Train's going in the station! Train's leaving the station! Train's going in the station! Train's sleepy now.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]
     
  12. Jason Sweeney
    Okay. When *exactly* did making choo-choo noises during sex become a turn-off?
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  13. Jason Sweeney
    I didn't understand jujitsu until I realized I always get the remote but my wife always picks the show.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 7] [at twitter]
     
  14. Jason Sweeney
    When my wife and I reminisce about farts is when I know we will be together forever.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  15. Jason Sweeney
    Seriously. Rhinos really love slushies. http://j.mp/d5X3kV
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  16. Jason Sweeney
    Wife: "I wanted to give you some peace and quiet, but you ruined it with my shrieking!"
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]
     
  17. Jason Sweeney
    Two steps forward, one step back, fall down hole.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]
     
  18. Jason Sweeney
    A good way to test your knowledge of swear words is to discover you didn't properly close a can of paint when it falls over in your car.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 21] [at twitter]
     
Page 1 next