The best of superfantastic

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1. 

   Bleached blondes jogged straight at me, three across, taking up the whole running path. So I red rovered them.
   [4 weeks, 1 day ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   I can pay extra to board early? Heck yes, American. I've been looking for an affordable way to spend more time sitting on stationary planes.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   You're only saying that a banana and a piece of cheese isn't a complete dinner because you forgot about the Nutter Butters I had earlier.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   The gold foil looked a little cheap, but I bet once you tear it off, that World Cup trophy is solid chocolate.
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Came home from the gym and lay down on the floor and I'm kind of afraid I might have to call in Can't Get Up Off The Floor to work tomorrow.
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Lunch with @tj, @wifeoftj, The Boy, and @nicky36 turned out to be totally worth taking my afternoon Adderall.
   [1 month, 4 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Oh, **2 Size Small Bikinis**, you are the saddest freebie posting on all of Craig's List.
   [1 month, 4 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   The earning potential is enticing, but nobody tells you that dating a med student involves enduring colostomy-related dinner conversation.
   [2 months ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   If you pick the treadmill next to mine when all of them are free, I assume it's your only opportunity to be near a heavy-breathing woman.
   [2 months, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    It's record-settingly hot. We're *all* overheated, but you don't see the rest of us sitting around refusing to work, do you, Ford Focus?
    [2 months, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Been back in DC barely a week, only driven a couple of times and already I'd like to kick old Pierre L'Enfant right in the traffic circles.
    [2 months, 1 week ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    You also picked a route that ended in running uphill for a mile. You are not so bright sometimes.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    No, *you* went for your first run in DC and wrote your route on your forearm in eyeliner to make sure you didn't get lost.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    If you willingly remove and replace the lemonade martini that has a bee doing the backstroke in it, your tip instantly triples.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    The preceding tweet was brought to you by Having An 8-5 Job This Summer Like a Normal Working Stiff With No Summer Break. Boo, alarm clock.
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Stupid society forcing its daytime-intensive schedule on me. I'm nocturnal. The diurnal hegemony is keeping me down! Getting me up, I guess.
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    I move on Friday, so one of us is going to have to pack the rest of my stuff NOT IT! Ha! I said it first! Boxes and tape are in the kitchen.
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Happy 30th, @misplacedtexan! For your gift, I'm telling Twitter to follow you! And how old you are! That's what friends who are bitches do.
    [2 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    If I've learned one thing in my seven months as a runner, it is this: DON'T TAKE A MONTH OFF, DUMBASS. Related: ow.
    [3 months, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    You know what doesn't work? Saying "Come back here!" to the watch you just dropped. Also capital punishment as a deterrent to crime.
    [3 months, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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