The best of slugworthy

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  1. slugworthy
    I just got off from work, so let me take this opportunity to welcome all my new followers. My old followers can go fuck themselves.
    [4 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  2. slugworthy
    #memes are like cocaine. You hate 'em as much as you love 'em, & they're hard to stop 'til they're all gone, in which case you want more.
    [4 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  3. slugworthy
    ...no, YOU'RE eating your passed out friend's boogers for the residual cocaine right now!
    [4 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  4. slugworthy
    "No one laughs on facebook, but Twitter thinks I'm hilarious!"

    Ever see a bunch of retards laughing for no apparent reason?
    I rest my case.
    [4 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  5. slugworthy
    I just went out & bought five jars of mayonnaise because I've never celebrated Cinco de Mayo before, & I wanna be fully prepared in advance.
    [4 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  6. slugworthy
    I'm not saying I overuse my iPhone, but I did just catch it sending out a coded distress signal to Steve Jobs.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  7. slugworthy
    I just put the oops! in poops.
    Related: They may still be tighty, but they ain't so whitey no more.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  8. slugworthy
    Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
    You can go that route or take the shortcut by getting a job where I work.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  9. slugworthy
    Wifey makes me appetizers while I wait for my dinner. Eat your heart out.
    Come to think of it, she probably has a great recipe for that too.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  10. slugworthy
    Welcome to my world of luxury* and deceit**.



    *Velveeta® shells and cheese.
    **a rolled up sock in my pants.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  11. slugworthy
    I finally tweeted my typo tweet off my @favstar recent page.
    Misson acomlished!
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  12. slugworthy
    Aren't all these Kraken jokes hilarious? I'm not doing one only because I lack originality and imagination. Sorry about that.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  13. slugworthy
    Does this gut hanging over the steering wheel of my Walmart issue Hoveround® make me look fat?
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  14. slugworthy
    Sometimes my cock catches a whiff of my breath after I eat sushi, and I wind up skull fucking myself.
    ...So I never eat sushi on a 1st date.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  15. slugworthy
    Trying to weed out my underage followers becomes difficult because everyone on Twitter sounds and acts like they're twelve years old.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  16. slugworthy
    I've had trouble reaching my asshole since I hurt my back 3 days ago. Those who've followed me a while know how truly devastating that is.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  17. slugworthy
    "BOOM BOOM ( Let's Go Back to my Room)"

    #songswithinstructions
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  18. slugworthy
    Carpe DM: seize the private tweet.
    [4 months, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  19. slugworthy
    Knowing is half the bottle.
    Unknowing is the *other half* of the bottle.
    [5 months ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  20. slugworthy
    I'm ready to deflower a virgin bitch with my throbbing pollen coated cock.
    Who's up for some fertilizing, germinizing, & sperminizing!?
    [5 months ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
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