The best of luckyshirt

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1. 

   I think the thread count on this hotel towel is "gravel".
   [5 hours, 13 minutes ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   The people here in Texas sure are nice, but apparently my "G'day!" needs a little work.
   [1 day, 3 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Ed Hardy dog clothes.
   [2 days, 6 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   HEY GUYS I'M AT NXNE!
   
   WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?
   [2 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 9] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   You better believe I deleted and reposted that last tweet after fixing a typo 14 minutes later.
   
   My mother reads this.
   
   So does yours.
   [3 days, 7 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   I thought that cup had iced tea in it, so those first few carbonated gulps jolted me.
   
   I wonder how long that milk had been sitting there.
   [3 days, 7 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   There are no atheists driving behind portable toilet delivery trucks.
   [4 days, 5 hours ago, faved by 12] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   RIP, Mouth.
   
   The Goonies will miss you.
   [4 days, 7 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Remember that song that was like "I could never be your woman" but it was a man singing to the music that played when Darth Vader showed up?
   [5 days, 7 hours ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    I'm so tired I could eat a horse.
    [6 days, 6 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    And the Award for Easiest Joke goes to me.
    [6 days, 18 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    Note to self:
    
    Do you like me?
    
    Check Yes or No.
    [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 23] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    I love the new sanitizer dispenser at the gym exit, but there is nowhere to hang my clothes after stripping to use it.
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 38] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    I'm so hungry I could eat a neti pot pie.
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 28] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    This is not my beautiful house.
    
    This is not my beautiful wife.
    
    This is not my beautiful police car.
    
    This is not my beautiful border run.
    [1 week, 3 days ago, faved by 50] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    I just worked out so hard, I want to travel back in time 3 hours and kick sand in my own face.
    [1 week, 4 days ago, faved by 47] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    @theresa_lauren Do you taste pennies?
    [1 week, 4 days ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    You may not know this about me, but I can kill a man with a paperclip.
    
    And by "a man", I mean "my productivity".
    
    Look, I made another S.
    [1 week, 4 days ago, faved by 122] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    I wish more foods were packaged like Pringles, because I could really go for a tower of birthday cakes right now.
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 117] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    I haven't brushed my hair in four days.
    
    I am looking pretty internet right now.
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 70] [at twitter]

     
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