The best of kolchak (The Night Stalker)

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  1. The Night Stalker
    What is going on in the next room can only be described as "queefer madness."
    [1 hour, 7 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  2. The Night Stalker
    1) Go to tea parties. 2) Expose self. 3) Turn it into a pee party 4) Profit.
    [3 hours, 21 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  3. The Night Stalker
    John Goodman being cast in a "Lawrence of Arabia" remake would be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
    [4 hours, 32 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  4. The Night Stalker
    In our mourning we all ask god questions. Questions like "Why couldn't it have been Justin Bieber? Or Snookie?" There is no good answer.
    [4 hours, 49 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  5. The Night Stalker
    A moviegoer was stabbed in the neck with a thermometer after asking someone to stop talking. A MEAT THERMOMETER. You L.A. people are weird.
    [4 hours, 55 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  6. The Night Stalker
    The worst part about picking Nic Cage as the celebrity you want to stalk is that he's constantly hitting you up for money.
    [14 hours, 41 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  7. The Night Stalker
    One in six Americans has herpes. The other 5 just have diabetes.
    [14 hours, 56 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  8. The Night Stalker
    I've just sent in for my Peter Popoff miracle spring water. I'll never have to pay bills again.
    [16 hours, 43 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  9. The Night Stalker
    If you don't mention "Kraft" and instead just say "Easy Mac", you're talking about the trucker who frequents the Iron Skillet on route 40.
    [16 hours, 57 minutes ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  10. The Night Stalker
    Harry Smith's colonoscopy is going to air on "The Early Show." Because the morning puke is the most important puke of the day.
    [17 hours, 55 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  11. The Night Stalker
    There's no place like home. Except the Coca Cola headquarters. And brothels. And brothels that serve coca cola.
    [1 day, 14 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  12. The Night Stalker
    The more ex girlfriends think they can waltz back into my life, the more likely I am to step on some toes.
    [1 day, 19 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  13. The Night Stalker
    I eat my pastries slowly as to allow everyone else the opportunity to imagine Joan Jett music being played over the image. You're welcome.
    [1 day, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  14. The Night Stalker
    I was a fan of jerking off to your facebook photos way before they even let you become fans of things.
    [1 day, 22 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  15. The Night Stalker
    It's International women's day. No one has made the sandwiches yet.
    [1 day, 22 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  16. The Night Stalker
    The best thing in my Oscar gift bag was the official "Precious" potato chip bag clip.
    [1 day, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  17. The Night Stalker
    Just now: "They went to see Alice in Wonderland yesterday" "Cialis and Wonderland? Can they even play that in regular theaters?"
    [2 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  18. The Night Stalker
    What's the blue book value of a 1922 personal massager?
    [2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  19. The Night Stalker
    This is my rifle. This is my gun. Oh shit. I think I have two penises, you guys.
    [2 days ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  20. The Night Stalker
    Kathryn Bigelow, in a stunning comeback after those two gigolo movies.
    [2 days, 13 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
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