The best of kolchak (The Night Stalker)

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1. 

   Robo cop has nothing on Velociraptor robo cop.
   [21 hours, 32 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   The commercial informed me that $19.95 is a "special TV price." I guess that explains why I never see anything that price other places.
   [1 day, 6 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Going to see the Ghost Writer. Bringing extra qualudes. I know the drill.
   [1 day, 22 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   One in five kids have abused inhalants. Wait. Do you smell that? ME EITHER. LOL.
   [2 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   I defy you to find me an adult grocer who doesn't remind you of a law and order suspect.
   [2 days, 4 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Fuck you and your ultimate frisbee and your barenaked ladies CDs and your disease-blackened sandals.
   [2 days, 6 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Drinking Stella Artois from a water bottle and yelling things at people going into Fashion Bug.
   [2 days, 6 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   Making a quilt out of the bindles of murdered hobos. Waste not, want not.
   [2 days, 18 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Never eat sushi in Kentucky. It isn't what you think it is.
   [2 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Why did the chicken cross the road? No. He was delivering meds to his malaria infected children, you bastard. IS THIS A JOKE TO YOU?
    [2 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Crafting a full body suit out of tin foil and swedish fish. As per Glenn Beck's suggestion.
    [2 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    Definitely not a fan of people who can't spell definitely. I'm looking at you, trending topics participants.
    [3 days, 3 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    My favorite part of the body of a cookie is the oreola.
    [3 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    You're right, @shitmydadsays! Those cell phone companies DO have hidden charges! How astute and simultaneously humorous!
    [3 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    My bologna has a first name. It's Reginald. Also, a monocle.
    [4 days, 2 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    What is going on in the next room can only be described as "queefer madness."
    [4 days, 5 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    1) Go to tea parties. 2) Expose self. 3) Turn it into a pee party 4) Profit.
    [4 days, 7 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    John Goodman being cast in a "Lawrence of Arabia" remake would be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
    [4 days, 9 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    In our mourning we all ask god questions. Questions like "Why couldn't it have been Justin Bieber? Or Snookie?" There is no good answer.
    [4 days, 9 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    A moviegoer was stabbed in the neck with a thermometer after asking someone to stop talking. A MEAT THERMOMETER. You L.A. people are weird.
    [4 days, 9 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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