The best of cravenheart (Peter)

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1. 

   I just blocked @mydrain.
   [4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   Just received a speeding ticket. Said it was the fastest anyone has ever taken that corner.
   Honestly, it was an honour just to be nominated.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Modern countries with the metric system have a Shark Week that lasts 10.6 days.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   "This wine will benefit from cellaring from 3-5 years".
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Should about do it, I think.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   I just got called a complete no hoper bastard who should be chopped up and fed to my mother.
   Not that there's anything wrong with that.
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   My wife is pretty angry at me right now. And what's the government doing about it?
   That's right. Nothing.
   [1 month ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Oh God, I've stood on the cat. Oh no, there's indifference everywhere.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   I wish I had a little baby. Then I could let visitors practice holding it before I let them near my iPad.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Psychiatrists fear that DSM V will be so inclusive that it will trivialize mental disorders.
   Page 869-Trivializing Mental Disorders.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Do toilet breaks count as having a life?
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Eating fucking soup with a fucking fork makes about as much fucking sense as eating fucking rice with fucking chopsticks.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    Stuck my head up my boss's arse so I could have a chat with my co-workers.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 7] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    I have the man flu and have sent the wife out for tampons.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    When grandmothers get smaller, WHERE DOES IT GO?
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Ever tried explaining Christianity to a cat? It's not as straightforward as it sounds.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Smoking a Cuban cigar. Because I live in the Free World. Bitches.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. She never says anything, but I know it hurts that she gets less gifts because of how close Christmas is.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Mother, In November 1974 you said SANTA was coming. HOW MUCH FUCKING LONGER BITCH!
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    I've lost the necklace that my wife inherited from her Grandmother.
    1st: Don't tell her it was me.
    2nd: Don't ask.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    There's been a diplomatic leak.
    Involving New Zealand and Australia.
    This is serious.
    It might be about the rugby team selection.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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