The best of capricecrane (caprice crane)

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1. 

   A woman was awarded 3.5 million for a botched boob job that gave her "four boobs." For that money, you can give me eight.
   [17 hours, 39 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   "Woman Will Name Baby 'Megatron' if Facebook Page Gets A Million Fans."
   
   Where's a "Give Megatron to Another Family" page?
   [20 hours, 33 minutes ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   "The Scientist" magazine: "Porn: Good For Us?" You can hear the desperate, pleading hope in that question mark.
   [22 hours, 16 minutes ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   A Korean man married a pillow with a woman's pic on it. Yes, this is truly the "Beyond" part of "Bed, Bath and Beyond."
   [1 day, 14 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   CDC: "1 in 6 Americans Has Herpes." Look at 5 friends. If they don't have it, congrats to them for not sleeping with you.
   [1 day, 19 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Kathie Lee Gifford tricked a staffer into eating cheese made from breast milk. Chance that she's Satan rose from 9% to 11%.
   [1 day, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Charlie Sheen to shoot TV show in the day & go to rehab at night. Nothing says "I'm serious about rehab" like "part-time."
   [1 day, 22 hours ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   The strongest bond in the world is a mother's love.
   
   The second is Sean Connery.
   
   (Sorry Daniel Craig.)
   [2 days, 18 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Stuffing your crotch doesn't make you look "bigger," it only makes you look like you don't understand how pockets work.
   [2 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    It'd be great if they sold Self-Esteem in bottles...and if you could afford it. If not you'd probably feel much much worse.
    [2 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    CNN: "Convicted Serial Killer won on 1978's 'The Dating Game." Who would've guessed reality shows cast crazy people?
    [2 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    I went to tell the Girl Scout: "Your cookies contribute to US obesity" but what came out was: "Two Samoas, please."
    [3 days, 17 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Sharon Osbourne: "I might run for Parliament." Suggested campaign slogan: "After cleaning up Ozzy, Britain will be easy."
    [3 days, 22 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler. The ultimate "Smug-Off." #Oscars
    [4 days, 12 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Reporters are asking my mom who she'd like to see play Ginger in the Gilligan's Island movie. Who do you guys think would be good?
    [4 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    The Pizza Delivery Guy said "Thank you" but his face said: "Porn really, really lied to me about what this job was like."
    [5 days, 11 hours ago, faved by 74] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Crock Pot: The second word describes the appliance. The first describes my cooking.
    [5 days, 15 hours ago, faved by 26] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Sometimes when I look at the trending topics on here I'm ashamed of us all.
    
    #MostlyBecauseImNotTrendingAndFeelLeftOut #ImFunnyYouAssholes
    [5 days, 22 hours ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    Mickey Rourke: "I had 14 women in one night!"
    
    Must've been some seriously awkward conversation in the on-deck circle.
    [6 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 42] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    New Line is reviving "Police Academy."
    
    Somewhere, Officer "Guy Who Makes Funny Sounds" is mimicking a crowd cheering.
    [6 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 19] [at twitter]

     
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