The best of capricecrane (caprice crane)

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  1. caprice crane
    A woman was awarded 3.5 million for a botched boob job that gave her "four boobs." For that money, you can give me eight.
    [17 hours, 39 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  2. caprice crane
    "Woman Will Name Baby 'Megatron' if Facebook Page Gets A Million Fans."

    Where's a "Give Megatron to Another Family" page?
    [20 hours, 33 minutes ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  3. caprice crane
    "The Scientist" magazine: "Porn: Good For Us?" You can hear the desperate, pleading hope in that question mark.
    [22 hours, 16 minutes ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  4. caprice crane
    A Korean man married a pillow with a woman's pic on it. Yes, this is truly the "Beyond" part of "Bed, Bath and Beyond."
    [1 day, 14 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  5. caprice crane
    CDC: "1 in 6 Americans Has Herpes." Look at 5 friends. If they don't have it, congrats to them for not sleeping with you.
    [1 day, 19 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  6. caprice crane
    Kathie Lee Gifford tricked a staffer into eating cheese made from breast milk. Chance that she's Satan rose from 9% to 11%.
    [1 day, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  7. caprice crane
    Charlie Sheen to shoot TV show in the day & go to rehab at night. Nothing says "I'm serious about rehab" like "part-time."
    [1 day, 22 hours ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]
     
  8. caprice crane
    The strongest bond in the world is a mother's love.

    The second is Sean Connery.

    (Sorry Daniel Craig.)
    [2 days, 18 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  9. caprice crane
    Stuffing your crotch doesn't make you look "bigger," it only makes you look like you don't understand how pockets work.
    [2 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  10. caprice crane
    It'd be great if they sold Self-Esteem in bottles...and if you could afford it. If not you'd probably feel much much worse.
    [2 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  11. caprice crane
    CNN: "Convicted Serial Killer won on 1978's 'The Dating Game." Who would've guessed reality shows cast crazy people?
    [2 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  12. caprice crane
    I went to tell the Girl Scout: "Your cookies contribute to US obesity" but what came out was: "Two Samoas, please."
    [3 days, 17 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  13. caprice crane
    Sharon Osbourne: "I might run for Parliament." Suggested campaign slogan: "After cleaning up Ozzy, Britain will be easy."
    [3 days, 22 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  14. caprice crane
    Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler. The ultimate "Smug-Off." #Oscars
    [4 days, 12 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  15. caprice crane
    Reporters are asking my mom who she'd like to see play Ginger in the Gilligan's Island movie. Who do you guys think would be good?
    [4 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  16. caprice crane
    The Pizza Delivery Guy said "Thank you" but his face said: "Porn really, really lied to me about what this job was like."
    [5 days, 11 hours ago, faved by 74] [at twitter]
     
  17. caprice crane
    Crock Pot: The second word describes the appliance. The first describes my cooking.
    [5 days, 15 hours ago, faved by 26] [at twitter]
     
  18. caprice crane
    Sometimes when I look at the trending topics on here I'm ashamed of us all.

    #MostlyBecauseImNotTrendingAndFeelLeftOut #ImFunnyYouAssholes
    [5 days, 22 hours ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]
     
  19. caprice crane
    Mickey Rourke: "I had 14 women in one night!"

    Must've been some seriously awkward conversation in the on-deck circle.
    [6 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 42] [at twitter]
     
  20. caprice crane
    New Line is reviving "Police Academy."

    Somewhere, Officer "Guy Who Makes Funny Sounds" is mimicking a crowd cheering.
    [6 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 19] [at twitter]
     
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