The best of brienis (Briana)

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1. 

   "I can make you any cake you want." "Red velvet?" "Nope. Can't do that." "Fuck you."
   [2 weeks, 1 day ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   You say "little person", I say "munchkin". Same diff.
   [2 weeks, 2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Rule Number One of Riding Public Transportation: Always check your seat for feces, piss, or other bodily liquids before sitting down.
   [2 weeks, 2 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Hey! Nice Razor scooter! Do you park that thing in your mom's basement? Oh...in the garage? Cool.
   [2 weeks, 4 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Sometimes I wish that someone would just let me slap them without flinching. Just once.
   [2 weeks, 4 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Nooooo. I just saw that old man adjust his junk through his tight biker shorts. *shutter*
   [2 weeks, 4 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   If you're so overweight that the wheelchair you use to cart you around squeaks...it's time to put down the McDonalds bag. I said PUT IT DOWN
   [2 weeks, 4 days ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   My mother just added me to facebook. I have no words.
   [3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   That box of Girl Scout Somoas was the best 2060 calories of my LIFE.
   [3 weeks, 4 days ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Future Barnes and Noble Cafe customers: when my apron strings are tied, I'm working. If they're loose, I'm on my break so LEAVE ME ALONE.
    [4 weeks ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Ash Wednesday?! I KNEW I woke up feeling guilty for a reason.
    [1 month ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    As a gierl who doesnr normally get acreyllic nails it sure is hard to textr with thjem.
    [1 month ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    I can't sleep! I wish there was something that I could take to make me feel sleepy and/or hallucinate about walruses. *sigh*
    [1 month ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    Fuck spiders and snakes. My most feared wild animals are toads, killer bees, and Sarah Palin.
    [1 month ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    I am convinced that the zombie apocolypse will not be brought on by a virus but, rather, a shortage of coffee.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Brainstorming ideas for design class. I've only come up with shit. No really...I've been drawing shit this whole time.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Ugh! 50 degress this morning! California winters suck! (HAHA sucks for you, east coast!)(I'm really fucking cold.)
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    My mother was right. Twitter was going to eventually lead me to a life of drugs. Specifically Ambien.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 12] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    Apparently, the author of this textbook is afraid of commas. This--this is what leads me to drink.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    I have cranberry juice, orange juice, and vodka. I wonder what will happen if I mix all 3 and drink massive amounts of it. Probably nothing
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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