The best of blueyesbrunet (Danielle Molloy)

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1. 

   Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Buy a man a Pocket Fisherman and Ron Popeil will eat for a lifetime.
   [16 hours, 25 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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   Doggy style is my favorite yoga position
   [17 hours, 58 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   I practice yoga at work by putting my foot in my mouth. I'm really flexible.
   [18 hours, 30 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Alcohol is the best lube when life decides to screw you over.
   [22 hours, 25 minutes ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   My nipples are so outgoing they could get hired as a Walmart greeter.
   [1 day, 16 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   I can't wait to see the look of terror in the patients eyes when I walk in the room with bbq sauce all over my white scrubs.
   [1 day, 21 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   I'm so glad l had piles of paperwork on my desk to soak up the coffee I spilled.
   [2 days, 1 hour ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   I think I feel sick tomorrow.
   [2 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Aaaand the Oscars just turned into one big circle jerk.
   [2 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Does all this phallic shaped food in my grocery cart make me look single? Oooooh tube steak!
    [2 days, 16 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    I haven't been to church in awhile, the congregation is half as big but twice as self-righteous.
    [3 days, 1 hour ago, faved by 16] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    So many people were clapping off beat during the worship service at church the drummer changed the rhythm to match everyone else.
    [3 days, 1 hour ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Off to church with the family for prayers and supplication. We're all in one Accord.
    [3 days, 2 hours ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    The guy behind me in the theater will not stop talking. I tried"Shhh"twice. I'm about to give him a look that will kill him dead
    [3 days, 13 hours ago, faved by 16] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    @bedheadblonde Don't worry. Someday we will unite our spawn and vanquish the humorless.
    [3 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    @farwyde I would totally show you my tits. Just sayin'
    [3 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Wow it's really sad when I automatically type the short code to Twitter wothout thinking.
    [3 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Ha! I saw your tweet!
    [3 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    This Mommy needs a time out!
    [3 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    "Aaaiii" I yelled as I launched my body between my son and a chicken nugget he dropped on the ground.My inner ninja saved the day
    [3 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 12] [at twitter]

     
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