The best of blueyesbrunet (Danielle Molloy)

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1. 

   I am making the world's largest ice cream sundae with my son.We will eat until we're sick and then eat some more.
   [5 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   I understand if you don’t want to follow me because of my salacious or obscene tweets but you don’t have to be all up in my libidinous.
   [5 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   A homeless man on the corner has a sign that says "You can't hit me with a quarter" I have a silver dollar. This fucker is going down.
   [5 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   If you look up caffeine you'll find a picture of me in the Addictionary.
   [5 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Why didn't I sign up my son for baseball sooner? This is hilarious.
   [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   I give my ass such a bum rap
   [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Everyone ar work is laughing at the idiot who forgot to set their alarm clock. I mean laughing WITH me.
   [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   Nothing like getting a 12am booty call from my old boyfriend to remind me why I put the EX in Sex.
   [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   I put the ANIGAN in shenanigan. Again anigan.
   [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    I'm going to use the bags under my eyes to carry groceries.
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Tweets in the middle of the night don't count right? It's not me it's my vagina talking.
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    If I compare the cost of my education vs. breast implants by dividing the revenue that each has generated. My boobs have a higher ROI.
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Left my phone at the theater.I'm glad someone turned it in. If someone saw all my sext messages my political career would be over.
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    When I was younger I wanted to stay up to see the end of a movie. Now I'm lucky if I can stay awake until the end of a movie.
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Alice in Wonderland is about drugs right? Maybe this would make more sense if I was high.
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Me:"Fuck yah! Tron trailer!" Baby sister:"What is that?"
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Why do people hit you on the back when you can't breath? I'm wheezing not fucking choking.
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Welcome new Followers! Make yourself comfortable. Refreshments are in the back. You're going to love the Kool-Aid.
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    At least once a week a follower is offended by my crass humor and accuses me of being a man. Now I know how Lady Gaga feels.
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    Awkward: Explaining to your son why your old ambulance uniform has JUGS written on the name tag
    [5 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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