The best of badbanana (Tim Siedell)

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1. 

   SXSW ATTENDEES: BE AWARE THAT LENO COMES ON AT 10:35 IN THE CENTRAL TIME ZONE. NOT 11:35. TAKE NECESSARY PRECAUTIONS.
   [5 hours, 17 minutes ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   I feel a little left out when song lyrics speak directly to the DJ and people on the dance floor. I'm in my car.
   [6 hours, 49 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Denied. http://is.gd/adMZu
   [11 hours, 33 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   My Mesh Tanktop app would check tomorrow's weather and your appointments and then recommend or not recommend a mesh tanktop.
   [22 hours, 44 minutes ago, faved by 13] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   I'm not sure I want to live in a world where my Congressman can't surprise me with bunches and bunches of tickles.
   [1 day, 1 hour ago, faved by 7] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Edison said genius is 99 percent perspiration. So whatever you do, don't drink it.
   [1 day, 10 hours ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   I'm glad when a concert advertises limited seating because parking is a real pain at those unlimited seating venues.
   [1 day, 12 hours ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   Guys, check this out. Look at a package of Keebler cookies. See those elves? Now look closer. Yup. Those photos are faked.
   [2 days, 2 hours ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Focus groups are still the best way to discover what people who don't value their time value.
   [2 days, 8 hours ago, faved by 27] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Preparing for St. Patrick's Day by building up my tolerance for beard puke. So far, still squeamish.
    [2 days, 13 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    The oldest living American has died at the age of 114. Pretty sure that opening number at the Oscars was the final straw.
    [3 days ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    Pro Tip: Ask to speak to Monday's manager. I just complained and got a $10 gift card to Staples. (Score!)
    [3 days, 5 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Not funny, people. I lost both my parents to a Hot Tub Time Machine.
    [3 days, 10 hours ago, faved by 9] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    This dance montage is part of Obama's job program. All out of work factory workers.
    [4 days ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Glad Christophe Waltz won. Best depiction of a sadistic Nazi since Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
    [4 days, 2 hours ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    I hope the Academy gives an award to Steve Martin for not making a Cheaper by the Dozen movie last year.
    [4 days, 2 hours ago, faved by 7] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Wonder what Adam Sandler is doing tonight.
    [4 days, 2 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Who hosted things before Ryan Seacrest was manufactured?
    [4 days, 3 hours ago, faved by 10] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    I had planned to teach my robot right and wrong, but so far I'm pretty impressed with its choice of victims.
    [5 days ago, faved by 79] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    Just saw Alice in Wonderland. Unrealistic!
    [5 days, 5 hours ago, faved by 46] [at twitter]

     
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