The best of apelad (A. Koford)

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1. 

   This t-shirt says OAKLAND CALIFORNIA on it, but with this jacket on it looks like AKLA LIFORNI.
   [20 hours, 6 minutes ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   BABY SNORES. THEY WILL MELT YOU! http://flic.kr/p/7LiWdT
   [1 day, 5 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Formica #rejectedjellybellies
   [1 day, 7 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Fish tacos are my kryptonite (by which I mean I come from a planet whose core consists entirely of fish tacos).
   [1 day, 7 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Movie's over. Everyone died but the lead. You don't bury the lead.
   [2 days, 4 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   This movie is about the plague, which we all know can be easily avoided with regular brushing and flossing.
   [2 days, 5 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   I'd watch Boris Karloff watch paint dry.
   [2 days, 6 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   This bus smells like Purell and ennui.
   [2 days, 8 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Dinner at the office tonight. Toner is an acquired taste.
   [2 days, 9 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Shakira's hips have been lying to us this whole time.
    [3 days, 6 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    It never gets a laugh, but whenever I see a baby, I like to hold it up to my ear and pretend it's a phone.
    [3 days, 8 hours ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    Watching Star Trek. I'm really enjoying the alternate audio track that includes laser sounds whenever there's a lens flare.
    [4 days, 7 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    I consider nerd, geek, doofus, and troglodyte to be terms of endearment.
    [4 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    Emerald City Comic Con and MegaCon are both this weekend? Good thing there are two Spocks now, amirite nerds?
    [5 days, 3 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Telescopes are taking over twitter: http://twitter.com/search/users?q=telescope&category=people&source=users
    [5 days, 4 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    A rat king is a group of rats with intertwined tails. I'm sorry if this is the first you've heard of them. http://flic.kr/p/7KiiMM
    [5 days, 5 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    I talked to my son's class about what I do for a living. They only gave me ten minutes, so I taught them everything I know.
    [5 days, 18 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    I used to know the cheat code for skipping sleep.
    [6 days, 4 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    If these walls could talk I doubt we'd be able to hear them through the custom paint treatment and tasteful yet unassuming sconces.
    [6 days, 7 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    Calling the meat on an Arby's sandwich "roast beef" is like calling particle board "wood".
    [6 days, 8 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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