The best of apelad (A. Koford)

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1. 

   I'm feeling politely confrontational. Would anyone care for a piece of me?
   [15 hours, 56 minutes ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   Twitter now allows you to automatically tweet whether or not a stranger is staring at you uncomfortably on the bus! Yes!
   [17 hours, 3 minutes ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   I want to break into Thom Yorke's house, find the silverware, and leave the knives out.
   [1 day ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   It's never too early to find out your child's sleep number.
   [1 day, 3 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   When life hands you lemons, start seeing motorcycles. #stupidwisesayings
   [1 day, 11 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Many hands make lots of broth. #stupidwisesayings
   [1 day, 11 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Somewhere outside, a cat howls and then is silent. Probably drunk.
   [1 day, 13 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   Chilling con Charlie.
   [1 day, 16 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Twitter now allows you to automatically tweet your favorite species of waterfowl! Merganser!
   [1 day, 17 hours ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Twitter now allows you to automatically tweet the contents of your stomach! Sandwich!
    [1 day, 19 hours ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    It's exciting to be able to tweet my location now! Office chair!
    [2 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    Let's just say revenge is a dish best served cinnamon bear.
    [2 days, 12 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    I need to know if $101.99 is a good price for a 10 lb box of cinnamon bears. I can't tell you why. http://bit.ly/8Ynn7d
    [2 days, 12 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    Eatin' mediocre in the neighborhoodiocre.
    [2 days, 12 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Charlie's going to see his first Fellini movie tonight.
    [2 days, 22 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    The ultimate insult to James Cameron will come when the Smurfs movie sweeps the Oscars.
    [3 days, 3 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    She has to keep thanking people or this bus will explode!
    [3 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 20] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Skip school, kids. Love, Oprah.
    [3 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    Rita Moreno should've done the Morgan Freeman testimonial.
    [3 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    What's with the testimonials? Do the losers die?
    [3 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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