The best of adtothebone (Clayton Hove)

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1. 

   Well, how was I supposed to know the bratty, screamy neighbor kid was allergic to habaneros I said tasted like ice cream?
   [1 day, 5 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   TIDIUS APARTMENTO!
   
   (...waits...)
   
   Damn. Nuthin'.
   [1 day, 5 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Strange how Shrinky Dinks react to heat rather than cold.
   [1 day, 8 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Dear Mattel Hot Wheels: Telling boys to "Beat that!" is probably the most masturbatory tagline you could've chosen.
   [1 day, 9 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Looking back, I think riding a flying ostrich and battling pterodactyls gave me unrealistic career expectations.
   [1 day, 9 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Mixing Tang and Metamucil tastes like a really disappointing second childhood.
   [1 day, 18 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Sandwich Consumption Procedure Complete. Beginning Beverage Optimization.
   [1 day, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   Diet Coke - the daytime Silver Bullet
   [3 days, 8 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   It's called "iceberg lettuce" because even though you only see 10% of it, it actually makes up 90% of your Subway sammich.
   [3 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    I firmly believe that "February" and "Wednesday" were originally monk-based misspellings.
    
    Also, "misspellings".
    [3 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    ♬ It's five o'clock somewhere. ♬
    
    Oh, crap. That somewhere is here! Stupid mornings.
    [4 days, 12 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    New details on the accelerating Prius story - the driver has been ID'd as Bigfoot with Nessie riding shotgun.
    [5 days, 1 hour ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Liquid smoke is one of our language's spiffier oxymorons.
    [5 days, 4 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    This Theraflu brand is the worst schnapps ever.
    [5 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    TJMaxx just announced that it is changing its name to The Ed Hardy Outlet'n'More Store.
    [6 days, 7 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    I have a theory about empirical evidence.
    [6 days, 9 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Ahh. So this is the difference between day formula cold medicine and night formula cold medicine. Bugger.
    [6 days, 16 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    I'm not sure if it's the cold medicine or the Oscars, but...
    [6 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    Why isn't rugby played on rugs?
    [6 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    I need to scamper more.
    [6 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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