The best of adamisacson (Adam Isacson)

Not finding your favourites quickly enough? If you follow @twitfave on twitter, we'll prioritise you. This means we'll see your favourites much faster!

• oldest
• newest
• best
• subscribe (RSS)

1. 

   Just arrived from an overnight flight to France and took a shower. Shower in French is "douche." Mon dieu, that was a refreshing douche.
   [4 hours, 57 minutes ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
2. 

   Don't you hate it when nobody can identify with what you're complaining about? No? Oh, well.
   [1 day ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
3. 

   Writing this down so I stop forgetting:
   
   Inhale first. THEN scoop the cat litter. Not the other way around. NOT the other way around.
   [1 day, 18 hours ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
4. 

   Dante was wrong. Hell is just like here, except nobody pulls out into the intersection when making a left turn. I know. I've been there.
   [1 day, 18 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
5. 

   Never book 5-year-olds to do standup comedy. If a joke gets a laugh, they just tell it over and over until last call.
   [2 days, 22 hours ago, faved by 17] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
6. 

   Ever read an article admonishing you to eat salads, then find yourself eating a salad? Here I am, eating a salad. Stupid celery bloggers.
   [2 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
   • 
7. 

   If the International House of Pancakes were truly international, its Security Council could force Iran to scrap its nuclear program.
   [3 days, 3 hours ago, faved by 20] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
8. 

   "Settle down. You can play Whac-a-Mole when the man with the neck tattoo uses up his tokens." Chuck E Cheese is such a special place.
   [3 days, 16 hours ago, faved by 43] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
9. 

   It's odd. I mean, families are wonderful. But people here in Washington whose workplace has the word "Family" in the name? Not so much.
   [3 days, 22 hours ago, faved by 25] [at twitter]

    
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
   • 
10. 

    Smile Smile: Beg You To Stay - http://bit.ly/bl8BvZ
    [4 days, 7 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
11. 

    A guy on the sidewalk outside Whole Foods suggested I reduce my carbon footprint. Which was odd, since it was pretty obviously just dog poo.
    [4 days, 14 hours ago, faved by 13] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
12. 

    I hope the points on my driver's license work like they do on my Visa. 2 more moving violations and I'll get a free personal massager.
    [4 days, 23 hours ago, faved by 44] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
13. 

    Ran out of laundry detergent, so I poured in some Windex. It worked OK, except for all the birds smacking into me.
    [5 days, 19 hours ago, faved by 129] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
14. 

    My cat purrs and rubs against me when he's about to be fed. I'm glad I don't do that. The guy behind the Subway counter has it bad enough.
    [6 days, 16 hours ago, faved by 66] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
15. 

    Washingtonians live in fear of getting caught at a green light behind Sen. Jim Bunning, with his parking brake engaged and a point to make.
    [1 week ago, faved by 44] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
16. 

    Still waiting for a Nick Hornby book about a guy who's in a perfect relationship, but can't stop agonizing over his terrible taste in music.
    [1 week ago, faved by 56] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
17. 

    I'll never again come close to my personal best. I'm just not a young man anymore. 26.2 donuts in 2 hours, 10 minutes? No way.
    [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 25] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
18. 

    No opposable toes, no prehensile tails. As I type this, my mouse, phone, and ceiling just sit there unused. We are an evolutionary dead end.
    [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 40] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
19. 

    Congratulations, Canada. Although any hockey win that's followed by Nickelback is the very definition of a pyrrhic victory.
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 46] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
20. 

    Spooned out some food for the cat. Gave the kid some Spaghettios. Looked at the meatballs. Looked back at the cat food bowl.
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 25] [at twitter]

     
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    • 
    •