The best of adamisacson (Adam Isacson)

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1. 

   Customs asked if I'd been "touching or handling any livestock."
   Giving a serious answer hurt me so much.
   It hurt like a case of the bends.
   [3 weeks, 6 days ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   There it is again. That feeling that I'm the only one in line who's ever been to an airport before. It's uncanny.
   [3 weeks, 6 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   I'm writing from a part of Colombia that's full of hot springs. I mean the "steaming water" kind. Not the "slinkys in the oven" kind.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   I hate waking from a dream before it's over. Did I finish the burrito or not?
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Had he been named Alexander Graham Fartnoise, the last century of telephone ringtones would've been much different.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   3 hours in the Houston airport, and I haven't messed with Texas even once. Kind of felt bad for it, actually.
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Why is there still no high fructose _maple_ syrup? Come on, Vermont. Do I have to think of everything?
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   So if you never eat meat or dairy, you must never throw up, because what happens in Vegans Ow stop hitting me.
   [1 month ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   They're letting "Jersey Shore" be broadcast _in other countries?_ Don't they know our passports say "United States" on them? In big letters?
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    I love the horrified looks on European tourists' faces when they use our public transportation. Folks, you should see our public _housing_.
    [1 month ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Today I rode Amtrak and went to the Post Office.
    
    How was the service?
    
    Well, let's just say I'm still not a Socialist.
    [1 month ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    My 5-yr-old sounds like an annoying hipster when she belittles her friend's taste in music. "(Sigh) You actually _like_ 'Elmo's Macarena?'"
    [1 month ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Heroically answering emails in slow motion while "The Right Stuff" theme music plays in the background. Like the Mercury astronauts of old.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    Look at this neighborhood. Am I the only one out here who's not carrying a yoga mat? Or who just shared a bowl of Cookie Crisp with his cat?
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    I wanted user-edited content about vegetables in the onion family, but wikileeks.org is all like, "Afghan war documents." Oh, wait a second.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    I slammed on the brakes. The carpool kids pitched forward in their seats. The butterfly flitted away, saved by my razor-sharp reflexes.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Temperatures last night dropped into the high 80s. Flannel PJs and a heavy down comforter kept my teeth from chattering too loudly.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    It's early, and I went easy on the Zima, Olestra chips and Crystal Pepsi. But I can already tell that "1997 Night" wasn't well thought out.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    I bet the worst part about dying young is knowing you abstained from junk food and smoking for no reason at all. Also, loved ones and stuff.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 12] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    It was raining hard, but I repused to take repuge until I repueled my repurbished car-- oh damn you, Sarah Palin.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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