The best of _CalebK (Caleb K)

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1. 

   Reason #342 why I need a wife: This beer isn't gonna open itself.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   Twitter has a new mobile app!! I can star your tweets now!!! Now you ppl need to start being funny.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Look at China destroying their wildlife with a massive oil spill. Just what I would expect from a developing communist nation. Sad really.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   "I remember when a hot dog will be $15 and that's without condiments!" -geriatric psychic
   [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Going to get the image of a six pack tattooed to my abs. That way I won't ever have to do sit ups again. That's my ninja way.
   [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   As a guy, I'm immediately attracted to a hot girl that smells like bacon. Or ham. Or a pig, ya know it really doesn't matter if she's hot.
   [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   spoiler alert: humanity eventually doesn't make it
   [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   I think I'd make a great Twilight vampire. I suck when it comes to harming or killing living things... or acting.
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   I feel like I've been neglecting Twitte
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Q tips come with directions! "To use rub swab around surface of ear" ... huh, all this time I was doing it wrong.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    What does the "E" stand for in Chuck E Cheese?
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    "but I don't NOT have to be naked to do it either.."
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day but give a man a cookie and he'll eat a fish... gives a cookie... to the man. how's that go again?
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    Kids dont say they want to grow up to be astronauts anymore. Now it's a "Specialty Dance Performer" ... I blame terrorists and Wal-Mart.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Bought 2 energy drinks, pixie sticks & toy handcuffs from the store. Clerk gave me a look so I said thats just what brings me back to normal
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Having really horrible sinus issues. If my sinus issues were a type of dog, it'd be a really horrible one
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Everything has already been said, just some things are more said than others.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Honestly I can't wait to get married... gonna have me a big party... invite all my hoes..
    [1 month, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    The palm tree must be the most handy of all trees.
    [2 months ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    Wow, Russia has some pretty hot female spies. Good thing all our top government officials are gay
    [2 months ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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