The best of TheBosha (Terrified Account)

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1. 

   In NYC tomorrow to see my youngest in his first B'way show. Slacker. By his age I was already Cheese in the 6th Grade food pyramid play.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   Lost my watch for days, knew it was in the house. Found it under a bag of Skittles. My life is more fucked than yours but hey, Skittles.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Sometimes I can't listen to music because it gets inside my soul and moves the furniture around and I bump into things and that hurts.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Does this at least count as volunteer work?
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   You think love hurts? Try stepping on thistle in bare feet. THAT shit hurts.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Chelsea Clinton's wedding will cost five million bucks? Damn, mine didn't require nearly that much money until the divorce.
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Wearing a wife beater. Seriously, it's the skin of a scumfucker my buddies and I caught beating his wife.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   Tony Hayward was ousted as BP's CEO but offered a job with the company's joint venture in Russia. You all remember "Duck and Cover" I hope.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Just spent nearly an hour replying to an email from an old friend who merely asked "How's it going?" I decided to tell him.
   
   Poor bastard.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Scratching away at our coffin lids, as usually.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Why are we always surprised when people misunderstand what we've written? Look at what happened with the New Testament for cryin' out loud.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    As long as it's [1] not in this house and [2] available only from a place that's [3] far away or [4] not open, that's what I want to eat.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Thanks to Twitter my life has taken a turn for the terse.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    Just left the party with a belly full of food and more beer than I arrived with because I, for one, have learned how to rock this recession.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Delete #s you'll never call again from your phone's memory, then run the risk of them calling *you* and answering without warning. Quandary.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Is it still stalking if you only want to snicker?
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    I'm not good with most macho stuff so when a girl asks me to kill a spider I call more attention to the act by first reciting Ezekiel 25:17.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Amazing how so many BP stations turned into Shell stations almost overnight. Also kinda' cool how Shell's new logo is done with a Sharpie.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    .@SnarkToast The only true remedy for a hangover is not drinking in the first place, therefore there is no remedy for a hangover.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    "Idea! We're going to make you look like a powerful wizard so the other villagers won't let you starve!" say every man's eyebrows after 40.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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