The best of SusAnimated (Susanne)

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  1. Susanne
    I've given up passive aggression. Sick of all these wasted opportunities to hone my bitch skills. What? It's the one thing I'm good at.
    [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  2. Susanne
    I spent over an hour at Jiffy Lube. Pretty sure they don't know what "Jiffy" means.
    [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  3. Susanne
    I was told that I'm going to die alone. I'm pretty happy about it. I'm actually looking forward to the solitude.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  4. Susanne
    Sometimes you hate the player sometimes you hate the game and sometimes you should take your balls and go the fuck home.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  5. Susanne
    It's funny how some of us only believe in God when we are looking for someone to blame. I blame Satan for that.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  6. Susanne
    It seems the school supply list for 3rd grade was replaced with the inventory list at Super Wal-Mart. Jeez!
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  7. Susanne
    If you are going to send me a message about how stupid I am, the least you could do is spell all the words right.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  8. Susanne
    You know you are old when the thought of sex turns you on but actually having sex seems like too much work.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  9. Susanne
    Now that I think about it, communion wafers really do go well with red wine.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  10. Susanne
    I'm feeling so lonely I'm starting to miss that one guy who sleeps in my bed at night.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  11. Susanne
    Sorry to any Tweeps that friended me on FB. I only log on there to see which family members I managed to outlive.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  12. Susanne
    I could use a guy with rough calloused hands to rub my feet. I'm not kidding. I lost my pumice stone.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  13. Susanne
    I watched a movie where a character said that short term memory loss is due to syphilis. Or, was it herpes? Oh God, I can't remember.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  14. Susanne
    When I can't count on you I can always count on calories to stick with me.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  15. Susanne
    I don't joke because I think I'm funny, I joke to keep from being stabby.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  16. Susanne
    I pity the folks that believe wife and mother means servant. You should pity my family too.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  17. Susanne
    If there is a guy in my garage trying to kill me I hope he's hot. I'd hate for the last thing I see to be an ugly motherfucker.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  18. Susanne
    I'm hearing strange noises in the garage. I'd investigate, but I'm not a virgin, I'm white, and a female. We all know what happens to them.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  19. Susanne
    After looking through the latest Victoria's Secret catalog I suddenly got the urge for a plate of spare ribs.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  20. Susanne
    Wal-Mart is the only place I've been where I had an urge to floss someone else's teeth.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
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