The best of SusAnimated (Susanne)

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1. 

   I've given up passive aggression. Sick of all these wasted opportunities to hone my bitch skills. What? It's the one thing I'm good at.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   I spent over an hour at Jiffy Lube. Pretty sure they don't know what "Jiffy" means.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   I was told that I'm going to die alone. I'm pretty happy about it. I'm actually looking forward to the solitude.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Sometimes you hate the player sometimes you hate the game and sometimes you should take your balls and go the fuck home.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   It's funny how some of us only believe in God when we are looking for someone to blame. I blame Satan for that.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   It seems the school supply list for 3rd grade was replaced with the inventory list at Super Wal-Mart. Jeez!
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   If you are going to send me a message about how stupid I am, the least you could do is spell all the words right.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   You know you are old when the thought of sex turns you on but actually having sex seems like too much work.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   Now that I think about it, communion wafers really do go well with red wine.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    I'm feeling so lonely I'm starting to miss that one guy who sleeps in my bed at night.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Sorry to any Tweeps that friended me on FB. I only log on there to see which family members I managed to outlive.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    I could use a guy with rough calloused hands to rub my feet. I'm not kidding. I lost my pumice stone.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    I watched a movie where a character said that short term memory loss is due to syphilis. Or, was it herpes? Oh God, I can't remember.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    When I can't count on you I can always count on calories to stick with me.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    I don't joke because I think I'm funny, I joke to keep from being stabby.
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    I pity the folks that believe wife and mother means servant. You should pity my family too.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    If there is a guy in my garage trying to kill me I hope he's hot. I'd hate for the last thing I see to be an ugly motherfucker.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    I'm hearing strange noises in the garage. I'd investigate, but I'm not a virgin, I'm white, and a female. We all know what happens to them.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    After looking through the latest Victoria's Secret catalog I suddenly got the urge for a plate of spare ribs.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    Wal-Mart is the only place I've been where I had an urge to floss someone else's teeth.
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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