The best of SusAnimated (Susanne)

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1. 

   Warning- After a few Irish coffees I Walk Like An Egyptian.
   [1 day, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   I asked St. Patrick for a pot of gold and woke to find my toilet handle broken. I should have been more specific.
   [2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   I've been on my feet all day and now my back hurts. I was on my back all yesterday but did my feet hurt? Noooo.
   [3 days, 13 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   My breasts are not growing antennae it's just escaped underwire. Thanks for noticing.
   [1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Son, when I asked for your feedback I didn't expect your projectile vomit. That's not what 'feedback' means.
   [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   I'd call you uncultured but judging by the smell you are currently battling a yeast infection.
   [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Jesus appears on burnt toast and Cheetos. I'm on a roll.
   [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   My sense of entitlement says high paid executive but my worthless high school diploma screams Mcjob.
   [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   I don't have a spirit animal anymore because it smelled like chicken....It tasted like chicken too.
   [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    I didn't call you ugly. I said you are *better looking* than Gollum.
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    What this evening needs is more ball gag.
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    It's not a case of sour grapes. It's fermented grapes. The way God intended.
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    You know that guy with over half a million followers and one friend? When does he pass out the Kool Aid?
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    I don't get the controversy over gay marriage. What better way to kill homo sex than to let gays marry?
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    I feel I can relate to everyone because daddy was a manwhore so I'm probably related to everyone.
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Taco night. I had three. I have one left. My burning question is Who wants my taco?
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    I've only got 5 hours to complete my 30 minute workout before I have to be somewhere. I hate feeling rushed!
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 9] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    I'm stuck with too many kids and not enough tranquilizer darts.
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    I need to get in my bed but the man in it is snoring and I can't find the duct tape.
    [1 week, 6 days ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    If anyone asks me for a stool sample I better be getting some cash for it. No pay pay? Then no poo poo for you.
    [1 week, 6 days ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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