The best of StephenAtHome (Stephen Colbert)

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1. 

   Brett Favre now says he won't retire if his ankle heals. So if you had 18 hours in your Favre Retirement Pool, congratulations!
   [4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   Austin, Texas is celebrating Obama's birthday with a luau. How appropriate to honor him by pretending to be Hawaiian.
   [4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   I had something damning to say about Post-It notes, but I can't remember what it was.
   [4 weeks, 1 day ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Can't wait for the London Olympics. I'm already filling up on Earl Grey Gatorade.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   I'm excited to be gay! Just think how it's going to improve my self esteem now that I'm highly attracted to myself.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   I don't know about you, but I'm pretty excited for 2047's Robotic Housewives of Moon City.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   need investors! just came up with the most indulgent sandwich shop ever: "rub-a-dub-sub" the only place to eat a hoagie in a bathtub.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   Turns out you "can" make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. It's just a really bad omelet.
   [1 month ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   I was hoping the guy from Tesla would do an acoustic cover of "Signs". Oh, well.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    I guess we know now why Basil Marceaux's dad, Marcel, stayed silent.
    [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    In another dimension is there The Colbdog Report with segments like Tug of My Leash/Wag of My Tail, Who's Not Feeding Me Now, and The Bark?
    [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I say, find a new heart surgeon.
    [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    More breaking news on Obvi-Leaks: Reports Confirm: Stove Hot.
    [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    Why doesn't Wikileaks release documents that Americans actually want to see, like Barack Obama's birth certificate?
    [1 month ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Chatroulette wants to eliminate nudity. The two remaining users will have a great conversation.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Hephzibah Anderson spent a year without sex? It's hard to imagine, 365 days without anyone passionately yelling out the name "Hephzibah!"
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Shirley Sherrod should get on twitter. There's no context to be taken out of.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    I'm back! You can take yourself out of cryogenic hibernation now.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    If you can't stand the heat, get out of my studio. Speaking of which, I'm out of here for two weeks. See ya!
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    not sure why farm workers are necessary in a world where we've genetically modified corn to pick itself
    [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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