The best of Moltz (John Moltz)

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  1. John Moltz
    Please accept these olive pants as my way of half-assedly honoring your heritage, Irish people. [eye roll]
    [17 hours, 58 minutes ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]
     
  2. John Moltz
    I'm not much for religious conspiracies you guys, but "Jesus" pronounced with a Spanish accent does sound an awful lot like "Hey, Zeus!"
    [21 hours, 21 minutes ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]
     
  3. John Moltz
    Me: "I need to back your computer up." Karen: "She's a big, fine compu-ter, won't you back her ass up?!" Me: "..."
    [2 days, 6 hours ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  4. John Moltz
    Yes, sometimes pride goeth before a fall. But most of the time it's clown shoes.
    [2 days, 15 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  5. John Moltz
    Forgot to set the clock ahead last night and just realized I'm 30 years late for church!
    [3 days, 18 hours ago, faved by 14] [at twitter]
     
  6. John Moltz
    Defiantly skipped breakfast. We'll see who's the most important meal of the day, busterOW OW OK YOU ARE UNCLE! UNCLE!
    [5 days, 16 hours ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  7. John Moltz
    @chockenberry A GENTLEMAN NEVER TELLsecond base, as I recall.
    [5 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  8. John Moltz
    20 years ago today @mrsmoltz and I had our first date. A little late, but here's my feedback:

    AAA+++ WOULD TAKE ON FIRST DATE AGAIN
    [5 days, 20 hours ago, faved by 11] [at twitter]
     
  9. John Moltz
    @jessiechar Yes! It looks great in the living room! Would you like power for an extra $3200?! Maybe a trash can upgrade for $1200?
    [6 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  10. John Moltz
    Happy birthday, @jimray. Have you reached the Age of Ascension yet when you can tell us your real name?
    [6 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  11. John Moltz
    Ah, it's that wonderful time of year when the hipsters all fly south to Austin. And the rest of us enjoy a decent 3G signal.
    [6 days, 21 hours ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]
     
  12. John Moltz
    @lonelysandwich Adam. C'mon. If Michael Jackson had died I think it would have been on TV.
    [1 week, 1 day ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]
     
  13. John Moltz
    @baileygenine Presumably you'd make her out of take-out and cat hair? Or is there another medium you work in?
    [1 week, 2 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  14. John Moltz
    Jesus, you people and the Oscars. Well, while you were watching that crap, *I* finished Space Miner tonight! *I* accomplished something!
    [1 week, 3 days ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  15. John Moltz
    For the last time, the monocle *came* with the Zeppelin, OK? I am so not the guy who just buys a monocle. As if. But it came with it. So...
    [1 week, 3 days ago, faved by 9] [at twitter]
     
  16. John Moltz
    @gruber Whatever. You make more off those underpants than you do on your RSS feed. And I don't see a dime of it!
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]
     
  17. John Moltz
    @sween Actually, they're ribbed so it's difficult to remove the penis until insemination occurs. It's a piece of evolutionary ugliness.
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 9] [at twitter]
     
  18. John Moltz
    @Mike_FTW No! But you're a rich tapestry of feelings, Mike. It's hard to keep up!
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]
     
  19. John Moltz
    @jimray TEA PARTIERS DRIVE TO WORK LIKE MEN.
    [1 week, 5 days ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]
     
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