The best of DieLaughing (Fake J. Adam Moore)

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1. 

   RIP Net Neutral i t y (message truncated by Google & Verizon: Timeout Error)
   [4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   HEY SINGLE HOMOSEXUALS! YOU BETTER PUT A RING ON IT.
   [4 weeks, 1 day ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   One of the naked palm frond girls is getting grapes everywhere. The other one stopped fanning me. This whole situation is unacceptable.
   [1 month ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Acoustic air-guitarists are assholes.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Either I just stopped the zombie invasion or I just killed a homeless guy because he was choking on something.
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   I can't bring myself to delete the abortion jokes in my birdhouse.
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   I have an uncontrollable urge to hate. I just feel I gotta do this.
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   @kimproper You know what they say; "When in Rome, have gay sex."
   [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   In San Francisco, there's nothing more macho than being macho and liking other dudes.
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Sorry. I thought that was why they call it a 'poop deck'. Yes, I know this is a bus.
    [1 month ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    No, wait. That's just sour cream.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    There only remains a faint white chalk outline around the spot where I murdered that burrito.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    I just don't know what I'd do without Apple's iPhone Stocks app.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    It's one of those SF Sundays where the only people outside this early are tourists and those crazy exercise people.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Family BBQ at my brother's place today. My best family memories are of BBQs. Well, anytime something smokes and burns really. I'm a pyro.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    "Hello, and thank you for calling AT&T Customer Service. How can we--"
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Playing chicken with the Ambien walrus. He better swerve first because I'm operating a motor vehicle under the influence of pharmaceuticals.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Extreme nut stacking.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    Whatever is the opposite of having dead eyes, Emily Deschanel has too much of it.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    I'm going to go to the roof to contemplate a world without unnecessary female consumer products.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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