The best of DelusionalGirl (Lesley)

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1. 

   Beer, BBQ, lake. If someone stuck a dildo up my butt I'd be in Heaven.
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   Good thing I'm NOT smoking weed. This cat is really freaking me out. STOP STARING AT ME!!
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   A mean old cat just ninja slapped me in the back of my head. I'd be mad but I can't stop laughing. I'll get you kitty!!!
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Gettin drunk with my lady friends. And yes, I mean my vagina & tits.
   [3 months, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Yeah yeah yeah. Buy your ipads & your iphones & all that other bullshit. I'll buy more important things, like beer & abortions.
   [3 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   I don't approve of women doing the chest bump like men. Maybe a clitty bump?
   [3 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   NO! You can not play skee ball with my lady parts as the holes. NO! I will not wrap my legs w/ flashing Christmas lights for visual effect.
   [3 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   The Fine Young Cannibals BBQ sauce #bandfoodpuns
   [3 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   #NowPlaying Alice In Chains - Down In A Hole - Unplugged. Forgot how great this song is.
   [4 months, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    This is the Willy Wonka of bowls. It's never ending.
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    I need to stop peeing........in this fish tank. Poor Mr. Bubbles
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    Hot tip: Don't take Hot tip advice from @tothechest unless you want a bloody razor butt or semen used on your kids arts & crafts project.
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    #IhaveaPHD and I done got it at Everest Institute. CALL NOW!
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    I hate this Everest Institute commercial. "I got graduated" Um....that's WRONG right?
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    @AlcoholicMan Fuck I love you. Goddamn drunk bastard!
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    Lazy rainy Sunday. Time to watch some movies & do nothing.
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Vagina levee, make it break. Tap it right and feel the quake. #sexaholicsaturday
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Holy shit. I just sucked that bottled water down like it was the dick of Christ. MMmmm
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    Talk about being responsible. That joint made me grab a bottled water instead of another beer or a vodka & cranberry.
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    It's almost 2am. Another beer would be preposterous.
    [4 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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