The best of AmyRangel (Amy Rangel)

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1. 

   Would it be geeky if I put a bumper sticker that said "I'd rather be on twitter" on my butt? Asking for a friend. JK I don't have friends
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   I'm giving myself hickies on my arms so it can look like I have a boyfriend.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   Wow, I'm such a clothes whore, or is it horse? Either way, I'm a slut for clothes.
   [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   If I ever happen to run into the pope, remind me to sneeze.
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Yesterday, as I watched a police sting go down at the neighbor's across from me, I thought "what a loser" then I realized I should move ASAP
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   So I guess Karma is paying Mel Gibson back for all those Lethal Weapon sequels?
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   Am I the only one who thinks it's funny when the hold operator says "all of our agents are SERVICING other customers"?
   [2 months ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   I think people should really resemble their personalities. For example: my ex would look like a big hairy inflamed anus.
   [2 months ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   20% of people polled said they like polls. 70% don't like polls or poles unless a stripper is attached. 10% think I'm an idiot
   [2 months ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    Yea the swimsuit is my mom's, I don't own one. http://tweetphoto.com/31198612
    [2 months ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Have you ever smelled the inside of your belly button? I mean REALLY smelled it?
    
    
    
    Yea, I'm bored.
    [2 months, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    I now understand the value of toilet paper.
    [2 months, 1 week ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Husband just said he was gonna take a dump, I asked him where he was taking it. Then we both laughed because he's not real and in my head.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    I mean, seriously, we've had to at least talked on the phone once for me to send you boob pics.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Guy on myspace begging me for boob pics. Told him if he wants to see boobs to look in the mirror.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    I just sneezed so hard, I think my ear farted.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    When you take apart your computer keyboard, it's a good idea to take a pic of it first. Related, I'm screwed
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    So, I've been on twitter for a while and all I want to know is
    
    
    
    
    
    when do I start getting paid?
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    Sure I'd have a drink with me but I wouldn't sleep with me, I'm heterosexual.
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    It's so nice when people don't let me know important details because they think I'm psychic. My exotic looks do not mean I'm psychic!
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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