The best of AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber)

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1. 

   I'm not even good at bagging my own groceries yet something compels me to try to fix our broken toilet.
   [4 weeks, 1 day ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   I've convinced the boy that a book called "Amelia Bedelia Steals a Camaro" exists, and that it is the most awesome book in literary history.
   [1 month ago, faved by 10] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   "Jonas is talking a lot about god and religion. It's bothering me." "It's cool. He's getting that from The Simpsons." "That's a relief."
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   Tried to tell Jonas he's part Irish: "No I'm not! I don't drink booze!" His geography sucks but his stereotypes are spot-on.
   [1 month ago, faved by 8] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   Target story: http://tiny.cc/bagofdicks
   [1 month ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Wow, @target, seriously? You just lost a ton of my money. Also, eat a bag of dicks.
   [1 month ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   @gruber "Mama, are they building a jail?" "No Joney, that's just what buildings at Drexel look like."
   [1 month ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   John has taught the boy to say "Gruber. Jonas Gruber" when other kids ask him his name, thus ensuring he will have no friends.
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 22] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   "Can I be a guest on your show? But I'll tell you what, I'm swearing."
   [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    I also laughed at a joke in Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.
    
    So, I'm totally pregnant, right? Shit.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Lady, it's not that I'm anti-goiter, but I am anti-telling me about your goiter after knowing me two minutes. We're not going to be friends.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    I drop the boy off at camp then sit clutching my phone waiting for them to call to say that they've killed him. Just my mothering style.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 12] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    "I am not even one ounce fucking gay and I know that John Stamos is hot as shit!"
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    I know he's drunk when he starts going on about a trip to Japan with @scottsimpson and a Disneyland trip with @Mike_FTW.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    Just won an argument with John by licking my computer screen. Whatever works.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 7] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    "Mama, does it have to be an injection or can I put a pill in a banana?"
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Kid is going to zoo camp. I've convinced him he's going to be giving the monkeys injections and scooping elephant poop. He's excited.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 4] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    Looking for a good "Bushwood Country Club" shirt.
    [1 month, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    "Mama, that man IS stupid. You can make calls with an iPhone!"
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 12] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    I let Jonas watch John on TechCrunchTV: "I think Daddy loves the iPhone the most. I think Daddy just called that man stupid."
    [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 19] [at twitter]

     
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