The best of 3hoss (Eric Hoss)

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1. 

   I think we should all have one molar made out of an indestructible grape Jolly Rancher.
   [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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2. 

   I bet lobster cops just carry rubber bands instead of handcuffs.
   [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 6] [at twitter]

    
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3. 

   I'd hate to be a manager at Sears during the mannequin uprising.
   [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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4. 

   I just hope we never run out of our most precious natural resource: gravy.
   [1 month, 2 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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5. 

   I'm not racist, but I always get nervous when I'm around purple cauliflower.
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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6. 

   Probably one of the worst things that could happen when you come out of a heroin nod is accidentally agreeing to stop doing heroin.
   [1 month, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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7. 

   When they first got together, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse probably had to wear name tags to keep track of who was who.
   [1 month, 4 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

    
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8. 

   I like to think that some hobos just never thought to check their neighbor's dog's intestine for their house keys.
   [2 months ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

    
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9. 

   One thing a RealDoll can't do is appreciate iambic pentameter.
   [2 months ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

    
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10. 

    I'd be suspicious if a really attractive person told me that they invented invisibility.
    [2 months, 1 week ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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11. 

    Karma is a mean drunk.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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12. 

    If there's one thing babies can look forward to when they're an adult, it's probably not getting put into a sleeper hold by a stranger.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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13. 

    Fleas might be wearing tiny hats and we wouldn't even know it.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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14. 

    I wish I had the strength to accept the things I cannot change, and also the strength to run through a brick wall.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 5] [at twitter]

     
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15. 

    I speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, like mannequins.
    [2 months, 2 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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16. 

    It's too bad your face doesn't freeze when you're making a really handsome face and someone pats you on the back.
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 1] [at twitter]

     
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17. 

    Ants may be smaller than us, but they're a lot harder to stab.
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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18. 

    I don't like to boast, but I can't control what my diamond-encrusted robot butler says about me.
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 3] [at twitter]

     
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19. 

    I don't remember much of my childhood, except that it involved a lot of dead guinea pigs.
    [2 months, 3 weeks ago, faved by 2] [at twitter]

     
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20. 

    I bet there is just a lot of awkward silence after a mime orgy.
    [3 months ago, faved by 11] [at twitter]

     
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